Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Happy Birthday Jason!!!

Well it seems like just yesterday when Jason was born but today he is 8 years old. Oh how the time flies. Jason is my last boy and final production in what seemed like a show that would never end. At 41 and pregnant I can honestly say that I wasn't to happy with the "happy" news . In fact it took me 2 weeks of intermittent crying before I was able to regain my typical gung-ho spirit, and I am truly blessed and happy that I did. Now surprises are not my forte but this little guy has definitely changed my mind. You see Jason is the baby after a very heartbreaking, difficult, painful, scary and dangerous miscarriage. The kind that sends you to the emergency room and you don't get to come home for two days. The kind that they try for three hours to give you a blood transfusion and finally give-up because they can't find a vein. The kind that makes you think "Well I can't have any more babies" But I recovered -physically. I made more blood and got busy. But deep, deep down inside I was sad at the way my body had behaved. I had another miscarriage before and it sent me into a whirlwind search for the answer to "why" or better stated, "Why Me" and when I could search no where else I finally surrendered to the reality that Yes indeed, "Stuff happens" and sometimes it happens to you. So I moved on content to believe that it was as they say, for the best. I got pregnant right away ( 7 weeks later) and had a whooping 10 pound baby! Damn straight I can't have a baby. I sure proved those doctors wrong. But after my emergency room miscarriage it was pretty clear that I couldn't reproduce so quickly. I needed to heal - my body and my heart. Then 5 years later I discovered that I was going to have a baby.

By now my two little boys were both in school and I had settled into a nice stay-at-home Mom routine. Life was pretty nice and I had adjusted. But... One day while I was saying night prayers with my big boy Brain I asked him what he wanted to pray for and he said, " A baby". Well okay. But I tell you the fear of God struck me at that moment and I knew that I was going to have a baby. Now my big boy is rather stubborn and determined and he continued with his prayer request night after night - even at school ( he goes to Catholic school). The rest is history. It wasn't an easy pregnancy - usual never ending morning sickness, aches and pains, indigestion etc... The only thing I do well during pregnancy is Push when the doctor says it's time.

When I learned that the baby was a boy ( final count - boys 3, girls 1) I proceeded to pick a name. Jason means -healer. I can truly say that from the moment he was born he has lived up to his name. Jason is my Christmas present for 1999. The little girl across the street was 2 at the time and excited about the new baby. She thought his name was Jesus and Christmas had come. Well it had come for me at least.

It is said that "Everything is a gift, everything is a blessing" In that regard it must be understood that even the bad heartbreaking things that happen to us are in actuality "good" . But it is difficult to accept saddnes as a good thing. All I know is that it is so good to look back and connect the dots that form the meaning and history of our lives. Jason my dear sweat little boy is the puctuation mark that has changed my life - for the good.

So today I celebrate Jason's birthday - He's happy to have a party (Chuckee Cheese what would we do without you?) and get presents and I am so very happy to have him and the memory of a very special event in my life.

Yes it's true children are a gift from God

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